I Now Pronounce You Kurama and Hiei
by Kuramastrass
Summary: When Yusuke and Kuwabara’s idea of a joke goes just a tiny bit too far, Kurama and Hiei find themselves swept up in a whirlwind of preparations for their wedding. Will the two demons end up finding love, or will their sudden union close with a divorce?
1. You're Invited!

**This idea popped into my brain... I don't remember exactly when, but I was reading lemons.**

**Oh! Yeah, I do remember! I remember what fic. it was now... I'll dig it up for anyone who's interested. But not now. Some other time.**

**I don't own YYH. Nopers.**

**Well, I think the fic. really speaks for itself...**

**So, enjoy the first chapter of "I Now Pronounce You Kurama and Hiei"! Hopefully the second chapter will be up soon, and remember to review... thanks.**

"Shuichi!" his mother called to him from the other room, her tone partially disappointed and partially pleasantly surprised. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you… what?" the redhead asked blankly as Shiori walked into the room, her dark eyes shining and a huge, beaming, loving smile on her face.

"That you're getting married!" she exclaimed with a soft sigh, sliding the envelope in her hands across the table so he could read it.

Kurama quickly dried his hands with the dishtowel and with shaking fingers opened the envelope. A small white card with fancy gold lettering was revealed, the front screaming, "You're invited!"

He opened the card and read the first line, written in the same lettering, but smaller.

_You have been invited to witness the blessed union of Shuichi Minamino and Hiei Jaganshi._

As he was wondering who was going to die for this – because somebody was definitely paying for this with their life – he read the second paragraph.

_We have limited space available, so please RSVP as soon as possible to tell us whether or not you will be attending. Please contact Keiko or Yusuke Urameshi, or Kazuma Kuwabara to RSVP, or if you have any questions or concerns._

There was also a letter addressed to his mother, which he ignored. But out of that letter fell a photograph; it fluttered face-down to the table.

He quickly swiped it and flipped it over to see… It was a photo of him and Hiei.

He had his arms around the shorter demon's shoulders, and he was smilingly lovingly at him. Hiei himself seemed weirdly calm, and though a slight bit confused that anyone would dare to show him such affection, he wasn't protesting. In fact, he seemed to be – in his way – enjoying himself.

Kurama had no idea when or where this could have been taken; he couldn't remember this even happening. So he had absolutely no idea where Yusuke or Kuwabara could have gotten it. It seemed legitimate, too; it didn't seem photoshopped.

Speaking of which, one of them was going to die.

As he set down the photo and card, his mother spoke again. "Shuichi, I know you're embarrassed, but I'm happy for you." She smiled. "You've always been different, and alone. I was worried about you. But now you've found someone to spend your life with. Even if it's with a man, I'm happy for you."

He sighed. She expected him to go through with this. "Thank you, Mother," he mumbled.

He'd just have to force Hiei to go along with this, for the sake of keeping up his human charade.

"If you'll excuse me, Mother, I need to speak to my wedding planners," he said now, walking toward the front door. "I thought we had agreed on a floral theme."

And he walked out the door toward Yusuke's house, thinking about how lucky the two were that his mother had gotten to the letter first. Because now he had to wait until after the wedding to kill them.

- -

"Detective, I know you are in there," Kurama called, his voice dropping threateningly into a growl. "Do not make me break this door down."

Yusuke opened his front door a crack, his one large brown eye peering out at him. The gold chain that was the last lock on the door allowed it to open no further. "Oh, hey, Kurama."

"What's this I hear about you planning my wedding?"

"It was a _joke_, Kurama! Okay?"

Kurama heard Yusuke tighten his grip on the handle on his side of the door, ready to slam the door and run if need be.

"Yes, I understand that. But now my mother is under the impression that I'm having a wedding. Luckily for you, this means that I can't kill you yet."

Yusuke just stared at him, confused, the fear slowly disappearing in his eyes, but understanding not dawning in its wake. Kurama spoke again, his voice less harsh and dangerous.

"Call Keiko and Kuwabara. We need to make preparations for my wedding."

- Kuramastrass -


	2. Telling the Groom

**Short, but whatever.**

**I don't own YuYu Hakusho.**

**Hmm... that's it.**

**Thanks to all the support I've had so far! Enjoy chapter two of "I Now Pronounce You Kurama and Hiei"!**

The four teenagers piled into Genkai's temple. Keiko eagerly told Yukina and the old woman the news.

"Kurama, that's so wonderful!" Yukina exclaimed, taking both of his hands in hers and beaming at him. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Thank you," he murmured, blushing slightly as his hands became clammy from her cold touch.

Keiko plopped down on the floor, spreading out before her the many papers she'd been carrying. "So, first we need to pick a theme. I'm thinking–"

"Floral," the redhead interrupted her, turning to face her.

She looked up at him and blinked.

"That's what I told my mother."

"Oh, right." She wrote _floral_ in the top-right corner and started sketching a giant archway. "And you'll want to use flowers you've grown yourself, right?"

"Preferably."

"Red and white roses? It would be a good color theme, I think, red and white."

The redhead nodded and kneeled beside her, watching her continue to draw. "And vines grown twirled around the lattice?" he suggested.

Keiko nodded and began to incorporate them into her drawing. She finished and continued, adding through the trellis some stairs and an alter. "Do you think that adding flowers to the alter is a bit overkill?"

"Not at all," he replied, tracing a finger over the alter. "Vines lightly woven together into a tablecloth, roses spread throughout, would look perfect."

Yusuke and Kuwabara had walked over to the other side of the room, and then proceeded to begin an argument over who got to be the best man. It had escalated; now Keiko and Kurama could hear it.

"Yusuke," the bride called out, stopping their argument cold. "No offense, Kuwabara, but Hiei doesn't like you."

"Damn right I don't," Hiei added, suddenly appearing in the room. With a quick glance at the two on the floor, he turned his gaze to the two that had been arguing. "What stupid, idiotic thing have you two decided to argue about now?"

"Who gets to be your best man," the Detective answered, sounding more than just a little smug.

"Who gets to be my – what the hell does that mean?"

"Hiei!" Yukina shrieked, running into the room and throwing her arms around him. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!"

"Congratulations for… what?"

Everyone went silent, not wanting the one to break the news to him. Finally, Kurama stood up and walked over to the shorter demon, taking Hiei's hands in his the way Yukina had earlier.

He looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Hiei, we're getting married."

- Kuramastrass -


	3. Explaining Marriage

**Well, here we are: chapter three.**

**Enjoy! And review!**

Hiei raised a confused eyebrow but did not pull away from his touch. "Married?" he repeated, the word foreign on his tongue.

"Yes, married. It's like the human version of mating, but with a lavish public ceremony."

A vein started bulging in Hiei's forehead, but he still didn't pull away. "And whose idea was this?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"It was Yusuke and Kuwabara's idea of a joke," Kurama explained, quickly tightening his grip on Hiei's hands to keep him from murdering the two. "But now my mother expects me to be married, so we can't kill them until it's over."

"I don't want to marry you, Fox!" Hiei yelled, his cheeks turning the slightest shade of pink.

"Yes, I quite understand. And no offense intended, but I have no desire to marry you either," Kurama agreed heartily. "But my mother is expecting this, and is looking quite forward to it. Yukina is, as well."

Hiei glanced at his sister, and then turned back to the fox. "What makes you think I'll agree to marry you?"

"It only has to be temporary. We can get divorced later." When Hiei looked at him in confusion, he elaborated. "Humans rarely mate for life. Most pair up without thinking. Divorce is a way of annulling the mating if they decide that a mistake has been made."

Hiei considered it. It didn't sound so bad, if it only had to be temporary. And no doubt Kurama's next argument would be that it had to be done to keep his human woman in the dark. He couldn't deny him that, since if he did, he would most likely end up dead.

"What do I have to do?"

The redhead smiled. "All you have to do is dress up nicely, say a few words, kiss me–"

"Hell no," the short fire-koorime growled.

"We could fake the kiss, if that's what you'd prefer."

Hiei nodded, though he was still scowling.

"Pretend to kiss me," Kurama went on as though he'd been uninterrupted, "cut a piece of cake and shove it in my face, dance with me, and finally disappear with me for a few weeks."

"There will be cake?" The shorter demon's interest suddenly piqued when he heard the word.

"Yes, and sweet snow. As much as you can eat."

He licked his lips. But then he frowned and asked, "And what do we do when we disappear for a few weeks?"

"Normally, married couples spend nearly every waking moment of that time having sex," he explained, and when Hiei opened his mouth to protest, he continued, "but in our case…" He shrugged. "We could go to Demon World, perhaps. Or travel the country trying every flavor of sweet snow," he suggested, hoping that enticing Hiei with his favorite sugary treat would get him to agree.

What crossed Hiei's face then could only be described as a smile as he agreed. "But only temporarily," he reminded him, his eyes narrowing.

Kurama replied, "Of course."

Silence fell, broken by Keiko only seconds later when she said, "Aww, that's so sweet."

"Yeah, how long you think they been holdin' hands, Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked with a quick elbowing to Yusuke's ribcage.

"I dunno," Yusuke responded jokingly. "Must have been going on half an hour by now."

Bride and groom glanced down to see that they were indeed still holding hands.

"Hn," Hiei muttered, quickly pulling his hands out of Kurama's and reappearing by the nearest window. "I don't want to have anything to do with this if I can help it. Let me know when I'm needed."

And with that, Hiei vanished into the trees.

"Now, Kurama." Keiko was the first to break the silence again. She rotated the picture so that it faced the redhead. "What do you think?"

Kurama sighed and bent down to inspect her drawing, re-focusing on planning his wedding.

- Kuramastrass -


	4. Planning Decorations

**I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.**

**Just read it.**

"Turn left… here," Keiko said suddenly. The car swerved sharply to the left, onto a path barely noticable between two large, dense patches of foliage. "Sorry. It's a hard turn to see, covered by the brush."

"It's all right," he answered distractedly, scanning the dim path ahead for the hidden turn she'd warned him about earlier.

"Here, here!" she pointed frantically to the right.

Kurama made the turn, much gentler this time, and slowly light began to shine down through the treetops. Eventually, they came to a clearing. And there, in the middle of this clearing was the place Keiko had decorated in her drawing.

"I came here a few times when I was waiting for Yusuke," she said. "Whenever I wanted to give up on him, I'd come here and imagine our wedding."

Kurama nodded and stepped out of the car. "It's gorgeous."

"A little dark, though… Maybe you could put some of those plant-lantern things up in the trees?" she asked as she got out of the car, holding up her hands in the air and sliding them over, away from her, imitating streamers, or Christmas lights. When the redhead looked at her quizzically, she explained, "Yusuke told me."

He nodded once and smiled. "Of course. I don't have any with me, but I could bring some later."

Keiko opened the door of the trunk to pull out the few folding chairs they had managed to fit in there, Kurama walking over to the archway to begin his task. "Are you sure that your flowers will stay fresh for the month?"

"If not, I can touch them up the day before," he responded absentmindedly, beginning to snake vines through the lattice. Occasionally, from these vines, a red or white rose would bloom.

The brunette girl fell silent as she positioned her test chairs, trying to decide upon the best way to arrange them.

- -

An hour later, Kurama had finished the archway and alter cloth, and Keiko had finally decided the best way to arrange the chairs. "All we need are the lights, and it will be perfect," Keiko sighed. Beside her, Kurama nodded his agreement.

Then she giggled. "Now the only thing we have left to do is to find you a dress."

- Kuramastrass -


	5. Dresses, Tuxedos, and Rings, Oh My!

**Hello flamers! Chapter Five is finally here! Aren't you excited?**

"Are you sure this is–" Kurama let out a cry of pain as yet another needle pricked his skin. "Can't I just make my own dress?"

"But it looks so good on you, Kurama!" Yukina protested.

"And we've already started measuring for alterations," Keiko reminded him.

The redhead fumed silently, beginning to scowl. _'I don't see why I have to wear a dress to begin with…'_

"When you make the alterations, cut this part a little shorter." Keiko motioned with her fingers to his abdomen area. "She'll be wearing a corset, to make her breast look bigger."

If Kurama had had something in his mouth, he would have choked on it.

"Hell no!" he yelled. "I'll agree to wear a dress, but there is no way in hell that I am wearing a corset!"

"But we already bought one for you," the ice-girl told him.

"Your mother bought it out-of-pocket, because we're starting to run low on funds," the brunette added.

The redhead groaned. That meant he'd be wearing it. Stupid guilt.

"With a corset, this dress will fill out your form nicely," the seamstress offered, tugging on the hem of the dress slightly to make sure it was at its full length as she proceeded to mark where she was going to shorten it.

Kurama almost groaned again, but he bit his tongue to hold it back. He couldn't believe that despite the fact that he dress revealed at least half of his chest – which was completely and utterly flat – that this woman believed he was female.

Across town, Hiei was having problems of his own.

"Will you try this one on?"

"Too big," the short demon snarled.

"How about this one?"

"Too long."

"Damn it, Hiei!" Yusuke screamed, coming dangerously near to his breaking point after a few hours of the same. "How do you know they won't fit you if you won't try them on?"

"The shrimp knows his clothing size, Urameshi. Give him a break." Kuwabara rolled his eyes. "We should just shop in the little kids' section."

"Hey, that actually sounds like a good idea, Kuwabara." And the Detective grabbed Hiei by the wrist and dragged him to the children's section of the store.

As the girls and Kurama walked back toward his house, another store caught Keiko's eye.

"Oh! Kurama, do you have a ring?"

The redhead stopped short and blinked, looking bewildered. "No," he admitted.

"Well, luckily the dress cost less than we expected. We should have enough for at least one ring."

And with that, the three walked into the shop. Though dimly lit, it looked clean. Or clean enough.

Keiko and Yukina paired up to search for a ring, leaving Kurama to search by himself. After a few minutes, they found the perfect one, and called to Kurama so he could come look.

It was a slender, delicate silver ring, the top half decorated with two tiny intertwining vines. A beautifully carved glittering emerald sat directly on top, tucked between the two vines, exactly where normally a diamond would be.

"It matches you perfectly."

"Would you like a fitting?" the shop owner asked.

Keiko nodded and pointed to the ring they'd chosen. The man pulled it out of the case. Kurama held out his right hand. Keiko shook her head, smiling, and grabbed his left.

"The bride wears their ring on their left hand." He scowled, so she continued. "For all intents and purposes, you are the bride, Kurama."

The man slid it onto Kurama's finger and grunted. "Fits perfectly. Lucky you."

Keiko asked the price, and once she got an answer, reached into her pocket to pay for it.

"Anything else?"

The girl quickly counted up her remaining funds, decided that they had enough for Hiei's ring – if it didn't cost too much – and said, "Yes, we're also looking for a ring for the groom."

The man nodded as the two girls went back to looking. Then he asked Kurama, "You want a box for that?"

He blinked, then answered, "Yes." He took the ring off and handed it to the owner, who swiftly put it into a small box and handed it back to the redhead.

After slipping the box into his pocket, he returned to searching for a ring for the small fire-demon. He was the one to stumble across it, and he called the girls over to look.

It was definitely a man's ring, as it was much thicker than the one chosen for Kurama. It was solid gold, but it had a tiny creature engraved on the outside – strangely enough, it looked like a miniature Dragon of the Darkness Flame.

"It's perfect for Hiei," Yukina agreed, beaming.

Keiko asked how much it was, and luckily, they had just enough, leaving them barely any change.

Meanwhile, back across town, the boys had finally found the perfect outfit for the groom.

Almost.

"I told you shopping in the little kids' section was a good idea, Urameshi. Admit it!"

"Yeah, yeah, can you shut up about that for, like, ten seconds, Kuwabara?" Yusuke replied, annoyed. "Just look for a stupid tie that you think the picky fireball over there will agree to wear."

And they continued their search through the seemingly endless rack of ties. Finally, Kuwabara yelled out, "Hey, Urameshi!"

Yusuke took a look at the tie Kuwabara found – it was diagonally striped; one color was a dark shade of red, like Hiei's eyes, and the other was a bright red the color of Kurama's hair. Not only that, but the stripes weren't plain stripes; they looked like flames.

The Detective grabbed it from his friend's hands and tossed it towards the short demon, yelling, "Hiei, heads up!"

Said demon caught the tie with ease, looked it over, and smirked.

"Looks like you two aren't completely lacking in brains _after_ all."

- Kuramastrass -


	6. The Final Preparations

**Hey, everyone. It's been a hard day's night, and I've been workin' like a dog. But in all seriousness, things have been pretty busy for me lately.**

**I want to say thanks to everyone who was defending me, but you know, they're right. This is a pretty bad fic. It's not the worst by far, but it's pretty bad. I hate leaving things unfinished, though, so you will be getting the rest of the chapters.**

**Recently I had one of my fics featured on the Project A.F.T.E.R. forums (see link in my poll) by request, and it's really helped me to learn from my mistakes and see how - well, just bad it was. I mean, the whole fic was sort of a joke from the beginning. I knew it was bad, but Jesus! I didn't know it was _that_ bad.**

**So do me a favor and hit up PA and give it a chance, would you? If you think this story's terrible go right on in there; it's a good place for you. If you like writing fanfiction and want to grow as a writer, and you're upset because you don't get much helpful feedback, go on and give it a chance. I mean it, especially if you're writing fanfiction as practice for writing something original one day.**

**Well... anyway, here's the next chapter. Sorry it's been so long. Enjoy.  
**

"So, it's decided. Yukina and I need to find pale blue dresses, and–"

"Blue? How the hell does that match anything?" Keiko's husband demanded.

"Well, first I was thinking white, but then we'd match Kurama, and then I thought about ivory or some off-color white, but I don't like the way that looks, and then I thought we'd both look good in blue. Sure, it doesn't match, but it shouldn't detract too much, either," she answered with a shrug.

Before Yusuke had a chance to say anything else, Kuwabara walked into the room. "Yeah, my suit still fits. Keiko, do you want to pick out a tie for me or should I ask Shizuru?"

"Shizuru can pick it out. Now, Yusuke." She turned to her husband. "Do _you_ have something to wear?"

"I think so," he said with a nod.

Keiko nodded and started counting off on her fingers. "Hiei and Kurama are taken care of, you and Kuwabara have suits, Kurama's mother has a dress… that leaves me, Yukina, and Genkai."

"Genkai's going to be in the wedding?" Kuwabara asked. That was news to him.

"The flower girl," his best friend answered with a huge grin on his face.

"Did you talk to Hokushin?"

"Yeah… he has no idea why he has to do it and really doesn't see the point, but he said he'd do it."

"So we have the minister…" The brunette continued ticking off her to-do list on her fingers. "The decorations are fine, but they might need to be touched up… I've called and booked the caterers and the reception hall…" She faltered.

"Did you call the limo company and buy the rice?" Yusuke had her to-do list memorized by this point, too.

Her brown eyes widened. "No!" She turned and dashed out of the room to make a few last calls.

The Detective sighed and shook his head. "She's been so busy and frantic lately. But she's enjoying herself. I get worried that she's going to work herself to death, though…"

"Is there anything we can do to help out?"

"Um… I think if you and me took Yukina shopping, we could get hers and Keiko's dresses out of the way. It's not like they're the ones getting married; we shouldn't be able to screw that up too bad."

"What about Genkai?"

"Eh, Keiko and Shizuru can deal with helping the ol' bat." Kuwabara opened his mouth to protest. "Seriously, Kuwabara, do you want to see that hag in a dress?"

Kuwabara swiftly closed his mouth and re-thought his argument.

"Exactly." Yusuke grabbed a set of keys off a table behind him. "Come on, let's go."

When the three came back to ask Keiko for her opinions on their purchases, she was ecstatic. "I called the limo company, ordered the rice, double-checked with the caterers, and bought a dress for Genkai." She was beaming, and so thrilled that as soon as she saw Yusuke she latched onto him and everything she said spilled out almost non-coherently.

He smiled back at her. "Great. Here, what do you think of these dresses?"

Yukina took hers out a bag and held it up for Keiko to see, while Kuwabara held up Keiko's. When she saw them she actually squealed started bouncing, still holding onto Yusuke's arms. "They're perfect!" Then she snatched her dress from Kuwabara and ran to her room to try it on.

"You'd think _she's_ getting married, with how excited she is," the redheaded human commented.

"Well, you know," Yusuke said slowly, an adoring smile on his face. "She didn't get to do much at our wedding. Her parents took care of everything."

Keiko came back out quickly, moving swiftly, but not quite the running she'd been doing before. "What do you think?"

"You look gorgeous," her husband answered her honestly.

She beamed at him, and then seemed to mentally run over her to-do list one last time. "That means that all we have left to do is to check on the decorations, and then we're done!"

Kurama's decorations were still perfect, of course, just as he had promised. As he strung up his lantern-plants in the trees to shed more light in the dark clearing, Yusuke and Kuwabara placed the rest of the chairs where Keiko told them to.

"You know, I think that we could line the edges of the aisle with rose petals…"

"No," Yusuke said firmly. "No more flowers, Keiko. I might puke."

"This isn't your wedding, Yusuke," she answered, entering argumentative mode.

Kurama finished stringing the lights and turned to the arguing couple. "Personally, I agree with Yusuke, Keiko. There's quite enough decorations."

The brunette sighed, defeated. After all, you can't argue with the bride.

"_Aren't I the one getting married?" he tried as one last defense._

_ "Sorry, Kurama. We've all been looking forward to this." Keiko smiled. "I won't go overboard, though, I promise."_

_ The redhead sighed and submitted to his defeat at the hands of his captor. _'No wonder Yusuke fell for her,'_ he thought absentmindedly as he sat down on the edge of the bed._

_ Keiko worked on him carefully – not that he needed much beauty work. She was just mindful of the fact that he was already wearing his dress. Her entire job took no more than five minutes: brushing his hair, tying it in a low ponytail, and then applying just a touch of mascara._

_ "There." She stood proudly in front of him, and then stepped to the side to let him take a look in the full-body mirror. "Now, don't mess yourself up. I'm going to change."_

_ Kurama let her leave, still staring into the mirror, still unable to fully comprehend what exactly was happening to him._

_ In less than three hours, he was going to be legally married… to another man._

- Kuramastrass -_  
_


End file.
